Goodbye Green Super Sludge

I tried one of the superfood sludge mixes promising great health and greater happiness. Here’s my experience:

Goodbye Green  Super Sludge
(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

Try it, buy it they say
You’ll like it, drink it every day!
I  deleted emails and ads begging me to explore
I ignored, I balked; please no more!

I do not want your superfood cocktail
Not in my drinks, on my food or in my mail.
12 servings of fruits and veggies in one gulp
My diet doesn’t need that help.

I eat balanced meals of many colors and forms
Meats, fish, veg, grains and fruit are the norm
I splurge on dessert when I’m able
Cakes, candy and ice cream aren’t banned from my table.

I take a few vitamins prescribed by my doc
No need for your probiotics and enzymes round the clock.
I absorb and digest most foods with ease
When it comes to meals, I’m not hard to please.

Yet you continued to badger and boast
I felt myself weakening while eating my toast
Finally I succumbed; figured what the hay?
I’ll try it, who knows, maybe it will make my day.

You promise more energy, vitality and zest
There’s a free trial, please give it a test.
I mixed a tablespoon into my juice
Sipped slowly, wondering if there’s any truth.

Drinking a glass so full made me bloated
I wasn’t sold on this mixture so loaded.
I tried a few days, you say give it a chance.
I’m impatient I know; your powder gave me cramps.

I called and cancelled the order for more
You tried to convince me better days were in store.
No thanks, I insisted. Your green sludge isn’t for me.
I’d rather eat what I like and not pay your fee.

Maybe I’m missing life’s elixir
For me at least, this isn’t the answer.

What about you? Are you a protein smoothie, liquid green type?

(This is my response to WordPress’ Daily Challenge: Golden Years.http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/10/weekly-writing-challenge-golden-year)

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About cyclingrandma

I was a journalist (Danbury News-Times, Ct), before becoming a teacher, and continue to write for professional journals. I have written several study guides for Penguin Books and write for Education Update, a newspaper based in New York City. (www.educationupdate.com). I’ve interviewed many authors, college presidents, and scientists. I wrote “The Kentucky Derby’s Forgotten Jockeys” for Smithsonian Magazine's website, www.smithsonian.com. (April, 2009). Two essays have been published in book anthologies; one for Wisdom of Our Mothers, (Familia Books) and the other in “College Search and Parent Rescue: Essay for Parents by Parents of College-Going Students.” (St. Martin’s Press). I was a middle school Language Arts teacher for more than 10 years and have just completed a five year grant position under No Child Left Behind in Newark, NJ public schools. I have three children, two daughters-in law, two grandsons, and one grandchild due in August, 2011. I’m an avid cyclist, knitter, cook, and reader. I love theater, museums, and yoga.
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28 Responses to Goodbye Green Super Sludge

  1. Judy says:

    This is wonderful Lisa!!! I confess i make my own green smoothies and they are delish. Full of green but accented with raspberries, apples, and other sweet fruits. I wish i could make you one!!
    But it is not for everybody and it sounds like you are healthy anyway. Good for you for trying!! I think i might have the same reaction to a mix. Cheers!!

  2. Thanks, Judy. I do hope to get to you one day and will take you up on your offer.

  3. Green smoothies are a bit like pink potatoes in my book…just not right, somehow :)

  4. Tee hee! Love your response. I do drink a smoothie every morning that my beloved makes for me with protein powder… and I add a green sludgy to it! :) It actually has improved my digestion! Whereas before I could not eat black beans and other legumes, now… I love them and they love me! :) Your poem made me smile.

  5. Thanks! I like a small bit of oj, mixed with water, coffee, oatmeal, fruit. Breakfast!

  6. this really made us smile/giggle — so many people would agree with what you have said! We love our green smoothies (without protein) and have a green smoothie recipe on our blog… but it sounds like it may not be the right thing for you! We have lots of other lovely recipes without any “green super sludge” in them at all! ;-)

  7. Thanks! Will check them out. I’m not a smoothie person– too much to drink– unless of course it’s a coffee milkshake with ice cream.

  8. Gilla Stern says:

    I so loved your post!!!

    On Mon, Mar 10, 2014 at 4:58 PM, cyclingrandma

  9. I love the poem Lisa! I think it is best to get what we need through whole foods. Did you see that study about people taking antioxidants in pill form. Turns out you can get too much and that seems to be causing cancer, the very thing antioxidants are supposed to prevent. Eat good food, exercise, live an attitude of gratitude – that’s what I think!
    Diana

  10. Ha! Ha!

    Me either. Me either.
    I don’t want them either.
    I’m not a believer.
    I’m just a tea-drinker!

  11. Nah, not for me.
    Preach, I won’t listen, so just let me be.
    I’ll eat what I want despite what you’re saying
    I won’t buy it so please please stop with your braying.

  12. So glad my post is inspiring so many poetic responses.

  13. Fantastic!! I smiled the whole time I was reading. Thanks Lisa.

  14. I also tried this green sludge, and hated it. Love your poem, Lisa.

  15. Melanie Urdang says:

    My sentiments exactly! Well said!

  16. Drjcwash says:

    I gave up on protein shakes. I had one several years ago. The pain was so intense that I went to bed. I later found out I had a soy sensitivity. Even Dr. Andrew Weil wrote that it is just better to eat the greens and not do shakes. Loved the poem. Thanks for the laugh.

  17. Thanks, Judy. A doctor recommended it to Matt years ago and he goes on /off with it– for him, it’s his weekday breakfast. I like a regular breakfast so adding this was too much. I can happily eat 9 servings of fruit /veg a day and not have it in powdered form.

  18. hugmamma says:

    Dr. Seuss could not have done any better. Bravo! And yes. I do down smoothies and protein shakes. I’m not as religious as you are about eating my required servings of fruits and veggies in their natural forms each and every day. And those blended drinks help keep me on track…otherwise I’d be reaching for chips, cookies, and candies more often than a nibble here and there.

  19. Thank you! I won’t say I’m religious about it , but do try to eat a healthy balance of good food and junk food!

  20. Very clever Lisa! I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like green sludge–it’s a sham! I make my own, and go through various stages of addiction to the stuff, but have never tried the stuff you did, though I’ve seen it. So true: it only takes some healthy eating. Fun post, Lisa!

  21. Thanks, Dawn. It’s a commitment too of time to take, make, etc. I’ll stick with broccoli .

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